Trust IS the Glue (part 2)

Trust is the Glue, part 2

According to research by Richard Boyatzis, Professor at Case Western University in the US, trust is one of 5 characteristics of an emotionally inspired leader.

Building Trust

Trust is an emotion you inspire in others and it’s essential for a thriving workplace. You can’t demand trust. It just doesn’t work that way.

In a WEConnect International webinar, facilitated by Evoloshen, a TRUST acronym was shared which resonated with me in answer to the question: How do you build trust?

T= Transparency

R= Relationships

U= Understanding

S= Shared Success

T= Truth-telling

Trust also goes hand in hand with traits such as credibility, reliability, openness, confidence, and a focus on best results for your employees and the organization (not for yourself).

When your employees trust you, they will invest time and energy that they wouldn’t be willing to do with a leader they don’t trust. They will dare to take risks, which they otherwise wouldn’t. There is a willingness to ‘go the extra mile’, even when they don’t know what’s around the corner. Trust in your people to do the right thing, and they most likely will.

Remember that trust is fragile. Even so, it doesn’t need to break. Take the time with your team to define what trustworthiness means. You may be surprised that not everyone has the same definition. Create a definition that resonates with everyone. Discuss which behaviors lead to a lack of trust and which lead to a trusting relationship. Calculate the costs for your team and the company, when low trust exists.

In his 2006 book ‘The Speed of Trust’, Stephen M. Covey came up with an equation defining the economics of trust:

 “Economists care about trust because it is closely connected to economic activity. Its absence leads to lower wages, profits, and employment, while its presence facilitates trade and encourages activity that adds economic value.”

Without trust as the glue, collaboration and innovation are almost impossible to achieve. If you don’t have trust in your people, or they don’t trust you, they will only do the minimum it takes. They will do what they’re told. Nothing more.

Trust IS the Glue

My work this past decade has focused on supporting employees in developing healthy strategies to weather the adverse situations which come onto all of our paths. I’ve come to realize what the title of this article says: Trust IS the Glue!

We all know that change is happening at an incredible pace, all around us. Organizational experts inundate us with their research. In order to survive and especially thrive, we (our organizations and the people who work in them, a.k.a. ‘organisms’) need to be adaptable to this change. Change mindsets, open mindsets, growth mindsets are terms bandied about and rightly so: without the ability to adapt to change, we’re going to become irrelevant.

For me, what’s missing in all this dialogue are the essential ingredients needed to ensure this can take place. It’s my opinion that without trust, and without its sister qualities of connection, curiosity and courage, the vulnerability needed to build it is going to be hard to find.

What comprises trust? How do you define trust? You need to know this for yourself in order to know if it exists. How do you know when your work environment is trustworthy? What feelings does a trusting workplace instill in yourself? What behaviors do you exhibit which make you trustworthy?

On the flip side, what happens within organizations when trust is low? What are the costs? To my mind, lack of engagement, productivity, and creativity are just a few of the side effects. Add a toxic environment into the equation and watch your organizational resources dwindle, not least your people.

There is so much to win in building a trustworthy culture, especially with the competition for talent in today’s market. My challenge to all of you who lead others is to give this topic your attention. Today, not tomorrow!

Age Should Not Define Us! just as with any other ‘ism’

If there is one thing research is showing, it’s that the 50+ generations are needed more than ever, to continue contributing their value to society. “We no longer want to be on the sidelines but playing an active role in building our future, the economy and making a positive contribution to society! In fact, we owe this to ourselves, to our children and to the society that desperately needs us now.” Ingun Bol, Founder of Move in2 the Future and the Wize Move Society

“There’s an entire culture out there telling us that getting older means becoming less relevant. Luckily, we’re old enough to know better. The wisdom and experience you have to offer has never been more important in the workplace, or in the world. So let’s unleash it.” Modern Elder Academy website

Older workers are the workforce of the future. The world’s population is getting older more rapidly than had been predicted earlier. But does this mean we’re aging quicker? According to journalistic researcher Camilla Cavendish, in her book Extra Time: 10 Lessons for Living Longer Better: “Only if you cling to out-of-date notions of what it means to be 50, 65 or 80.” Our mid-life years are expanding and require new individual and organizational mindsets.

With the advances in neuroscience, we now know our brains are capable of learning and developing until the day we die. It’s called neuroplasticity. This is good news because intergenerational workforces are becoming increasingly necessary. Less young people are entering the workforce. That’s a fact. Employers are realizing they need to invest in their 50+ers, so their companies will maintain the skillsets and knowledge they need to thrive.

The stereotypical image of the 60 – 65 year old jumping for joy to get their hands on a new set of golf clubs doesn’t resonate with ALL potential retirees. Please don’t get me wrong. I do enjoy golf, when I get the chance to practice it. However, many of us also want the fulfillment that comes from having a purpose; from continuing or even changing our careers.

Let’s bust some stereotypical myths

We’re more emotionally stable than our younger colleagues, which is a good thing when critical thinking is high on the World Economic Forum (WEF) top skills list for 2025.

We aren’t on our way out. Giving attention (training/meaningful work) to a 50+ employee, means they are four times less likely to leave in the next five years than a twenty-something.

Do we have less energy than someone at 40? Lee Iacocca, who became Chrysler chairman at 53, famously quipped that “I had people at Chrysler who were 40 but acted 80, and I had 80-year-olds who could do everything a 40-year-old can”. Putting people in the same ‘old age’ category makes no sense, when some of us are healthy and energetic upwards in our 80’s. We are, as the Japanese say, ‘young-old’: old in years but having the characteristics of youth.

We aren’t taking jobs or jeopardizing the careers of younger people. Economists have debunked this. By continuing to work, we actually increase a nation’s GDP. If we have more money, we can spend more as well. One of the effects of this extra spending is it creates new jobs. As well, according to a FastCompany article written by Chip Conley, founder of the Modern Elder Academy, by 2025 the majority of Americans will be reporting to a younger boss.

We’re perceived to be unproductive but when old and young work together, errors decrease and productivity rises. Customer interactions often improve the older we get, since we also develop greater emotional intelligence, leading to greater productivity on this level as well.

Another perception is we are set in our ways and therefore are passed over for training or career progression. However, we can learn new skills and develop new mindsets. We may learn differently than someone younger but the neuroplasticity mentioned earlier, ensures our brains are more than capable to learn.

We tend to be more resilient (another 2025 WEF skill). Life has already given us (many) challenges. We’ve survived and perhaps even thrived. What’s one more? We’ll navigate it.

What else have we got that organizations need to thrive?

Experience and expertise (not easily replaceable).

We make great mentors.

We can help train the workers of tomorrow.

How can an organization’s leaders ensure they support their mature workforce?

Provide us with opportunities for learning and career progression. Don’t stick us in a back office, where we can twiddle our thumbs until we’re pensioned.

Understand we want work that is personally meaningful and intellectually stimulating.

Depending upon our age and situation, realize we may need more flexible working arrangements.

Create a work environment that is age-friendly; where we feel supported and valued. Intergenerational workspaces are a thing of, and for, the immediate future. Educate both the younger and older generations on what their needs are and how they can be relevant for each other. They can help make me digitally savvy for example, while I can teach them about resiliency strategies, emotional agility, and building their empathic skills.

“The modern elder is appreciated for their relevance, not their reverence, because they’re as much of an intern as they are a mentor.” Chip Conley

Image courtesy of Canva

— Published originally on August 13, 2021 for

A Fixed Versus A Growth Mindset

If you think your character, personality traits and intelligence are static or that your ability to learn was determined by your genetic ‘pool’ (clean or dirty) or that what you’ve got in this moment is all you’ve got, then please think again. Research by Carol Dweck, a Stanford Psychology Professor, shows that “people’s mindset about learning will have a significant impact on how much they will learn”.

Average Is as Average Does

When I was in elementary school, I had my mom as a supply teacher. During this period, our class had to do an IQ assessment. Mom was reviewing these at home. I wheedled and pried, to get her to tell me my results. She finally gave in enough, to say that I was in the ‘average’ category. It was a belief I bought into, until my early 50’s. I regret that I was so persistent in wanting to know this label when I was about 10 year’s old. It defined much of my effort and success throughout my life.

After years of average marks in high school and college, I remember being relieved when my education was finished and I could get out into the working world. I felt my ‘book learning’ (and self-induced judgment), was behind me.

An Important Lesson

For 30 years, I remained in this fixed mindset limbo, with the exception of one very important lesson learned in my early 30’s. I was challenged to learn elements of physics (a subject I barely passed in high school) for a new job, with a heat recovery engineering company. Thermal heating units, gallons of water flow in a one (or two or three…) inch pipe, expected temperature increase of incoming water by the number of indirect BTU’s leaving a chimney stack…I wanted to succeed in this job and so my mind opened up. I allowed myself to learn. It got to the point that I was correcting the engineers’ calculations in their proposals.

Changing Directions

That one pivotal lesson helped me to change direction in my career, at the age of 53. It was, quite simply, knowing that if you REALLY want to learn something, you can. This belief has ensured that with the right amount of effort, I can, and will learn anything I set my mind to learn.

For the last decade-plus, I’ve spent mega hours (and money), devouring information (Hoover MJ), following courses, getting certified in learning how to thrive. How to develop emotional agility and resiliency. It’s what makes waking up in the morning worthwhile – knowing I can share this wisdom, so others can thrive as well.

Encourage Life-Long Learning

When we continually grow and learn, continually improve ourselves, we flourish. For organizations, it is the same. Become a life-long learner and encourage your employees to become this also. It will help them bridge the challenge of change. Why should I be so stressed if my job is changing, or I might be losing my job when I know that I can learn what’s relevant in another project or organization? Another benefit is that neuroscience has shown that our brains continue to develop new neural pathways and connections. This is called neuroplasticity. You’re actually giving yourself the gift of a healthier brain, until the day you die.

“Our brain is like a muscle that gets stronger with use and that learning prompts neurons in the brain to grow new connections.” Jesper Mogensen, psychologist

Do You Dare To Swim With The Sharks?

Many of you who know me, also know I’ve spent eleven years as a (board) member for PWN Netherlands.  As well, I work with two companies supporting diversity in the workplace, and supporting women in developing their careers. All three of these organization are voices for gender balanced leadership. And although this article isn’t about my usual focus on stress hardiness and resiliency, at its heart, it actually really is.

Recently, someone shared with me on LinkedIn, a Tedx Talk given by Alexis Kanda-Olmstead, who actually inspired this article.

Why is our stereotypical model of a successful leader a good looking, well-bodied Caucasian male, typically wearing a dark suit? Why is it that most people generally don’t recognize women as models of leadership? Is it because women are perceived as perhaps less intelligent, too emotional, too soft? Or if a female leader is demonstrating masculine traits, is she seen as pushy or aggressive? It comes down to what psychologists call ‘mind models’.

For many women, walking into a situation in which the stereotypical expectations are high, can be a fear-based moment. (I told you there is a link to stress!) There is an unspoken threat she is facing, which can trigger the stress flight, fight or freeze response. In the words of  Alexis, it causes “hypervigilance, second guessing ourselves, getting stuck in our minds and at worse, choking”.

What would it take for you to brave the next step, as a woman, to realize you too are a highly competent and successful leader, even though you aren’t yet the ‘model’ of what society thinks of in this role?

In research done with male and female university students, which Alexis quotes in her TEDx Talk, the discrepancies in their belief in their abilities to be a leader were large. None of them had any ‘real’ experience to draw these beliefs from and in fact, they were contradictory to what the research results demonstrated.

One of my great-nieces played a lot of sports in her youth. At age 13, her mom was watching her on the volleyball court, instructing her teammates regarding the next play. The thought occurred to her mom that her daughter might be bossy. She didn’t think, in that moment (though she does now): my daughter is assertive or has great leadership skills. As it turns out, my great-niece, at age 21, is the epitome of assertiveness, knows what she wants and has demonstrated her leadership skills countless times.

Years ago, I met a psychologist in the Hague, who was presenting on self-efficacy. This is defined as: ” one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task”. At the time, the term was new for me. She commented that even more than the glass ceiling, this was the greatest obstacle to women advancing in their careers. I was in my early 50’s and was just starting (yes, just starting) to develop a belief in myself, in my abilities and in my expertise. Her comment hit me hard! Much of this belief is achieved through nurture – it can be learned.

There is a term called ‘leadership efficacy’: “It is a specific form of efficacy associated with the level of confidence in the knowledge, skills, and abilities associated with leading others.”

In the research I mentioned above from Alexis’s Tedx Talk, women bottomed out in leadership efficacy. They reported using the leadership skills they were questioned about much more than the men in the study but didn’t believe in themselves as leaders.

There is so much that all of us can do, to undo the stereotypical model of leaders. That’s a journey I’d like to invite you to make with us in the Female Leadership Journey starting in January 2021.

Dare to take the next step, to swim comfortably with the (metaphorical) sharks and learn that you won’t get eaten.

What’s In a Smile?

I really do love simple solutions. Things we can do for ourselves, which help us feel better. Especially in these days of restricted contact. After all, it’s the summer of 2020 and virtually the whole world has been affected by a pandemic since February. The end isn’t yet in sight. We need all the help we can give ourselves.

So what’s in a smile? It turns out … a lot! We can turn it up, and turn it on in a split second. It’s an instant pick-me-upper. I don’t feel like smiling, you say? Do it anyway. You will feel better. And if feeling better isn’t on your agenda, then do it to increase your creativity and your logical thinking!

Here’s what else we know about the simple gift of smiling.

It’s a two way street. Not only do we smile when we’re happy, we become happier when we smile. Your brain knows when the smile muscles are activated and can be ‘tricked’ into changing your chemical soup mix into one that has more ‘feel-good’ hormones  and neurotransmitters (like dopamine – the ‘reward’ hormone/neurotransmitter).

An experiment demonstrated this well. Three groups were shown cartoons. One group was holding a pencil in their mouth lengthwise, ‘forcing’ a smile. The second group held the pencil by the tip while pursing their lips, ‘forcing’ a sort of frown. The third group held the pencil in their hand. The first group rated the cartoons the funniest, the third group was somewhere in the middle and you guessed it – the second group with pursed lips rated the cartoons least funny.

Smiling also has a social consequence. When we smile, others around us tend to smile too. Even if our smile isn’t one of genuine happiness, we can feel better with smiling faces surrounding us! Read about the experience of Alex Lickerman, M.D., who, during his first year of medical school, found himself wondering why most people don’t smile at people they don’t know. He realized that in order to smile genuinely at someone, he first needed to have a ‘real’ feeling for them. For him, smiling at strangers became a small exercise in compassion. He stated in this article: “The benefit of smiling accrues to me as well as to those at whom I’m smiling, however: studies have also shown that feeling just as often follows expression. That is, when we smile, it actually makes us happier, even, it turns out, if our smile is forced.”

Do you need more reasons to smile more often? The research is pretty definitive – a happy worker is a more productive worker. (Research by After building questionnaires, conducting focus groups and compiling results from 3,000 respondents in 79 countries, [the company’s] findings proved that happiness has a distinct advantage over unhappiness. “The happiest employees are 180% more energized than their less content colleagues, 155% happier with their jobs, 150% happier with life, 108% more engaged and 50% more motivated. Most staggeringly, they are 50% more productive too.”

Years ago my husband drew a frown on the ‘brow’ of a happy face stress ball (see the image). In meetings, when he was happy with the way things went, he didn’t have to say anything – he just held the ball up with the smiling face shining on everyone. When he wasn’t pleased with the way things were going, all he had to do was turn the ball ‘upside down’ to show the frown. He didn’t make it personal, he didn’t have to say a word. Each time he got a laugh from the group. Everyone knew this was a signal to start coming with new ideas. I must say, I still have this happy face ball on my desk. The frown is almost worn away but I’ve had to retouch the smile a few times with black magic marker …

Turn that frown upside down and what do you have? A smile!

Please share your comments and questions in the comments section below.

How Full is Your Battery?

“People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.” J. Michael Straczynsk

Awareness – A Better Coping Strategy

  • The first step to creating more harmony and balance in your life is through awareness. Start with something ‘simple’: what gives you energy and what drains your energy? Low energy levels make you more susceptible to reacting to stressful situations. If you take this one step towards developing insight into ‘what makes you tick’, then you have a greater chance of taking the necessary steps towards ensuring you have more energy gainers in your life.
  • What can’t you say no to or perhaps better phrased: what do you say yes to, that might drain your ‘battery’? Is it a lack of exercise or a friend who weighs you down with their problems? Is it too many late nights? Fast food? What unhealthy choices are you making for yourself? It comes down to – what brings you short-term pleasure but coupled with long-term pain? We all know what we should be doing, often we just don’t do it.
  • If you’re not even aware of what’s triggering your energy drain, then you can’t do anything about it. Stop and make a list of habits, situations, people, and environments that aren’t serving your best needs. Analyze the list and ask yourself what can you do to change just one of the items on your list. Once you have thought out a game plan, put it into place.
  • Search for help. If it’s a habit you want to change, then research how habits can be changed and how you can develop new ones that are more supportive. Charles Duhigg wrote a book about this and there are a couple of great videos on You Tube describing the process of changing habits.

Other Helpful Tools

Perhaps you might need coaching. There are a lot of us ‘out there’. You need to find the one best suited to you. It’s an investment in yourself – don’t wait for your boss to reach into their budget to help you. Take the initiative for yourself.

If it’s an improvement in your diet, then look to a nutritionist/food specialist for help. And there are thousands of books on the subject. Ask someone, who seems to have a good handle on their personal nutrition, what they are doing. You know them! They are that person who looks great, exudes energy, doesn’t get easily irritated and has enough left over at the end of a long work day to still do something interesting for themselves. See if just one thing they are doing will make a difference in your life.

A Last Thought

The bottom line is this: if our battery is running low, then we won’t be able to come up with creative solutions to the challenges life throws our way.

Please share your comments and questions in the comments section below.

Getting Your Zzzz’s

Did you know that Friday, March 13th 2020, was #worldsleepday?

According to, it “is an annual event, intended to be a celebration of sleep and a call to action on important issues related to sleep, including medicine, education, social aspects and driving.”

I started my deep dive into why we need sleep back in 2016. The connection with resiliency and stress hardiness was evident. After all, if we’re stressed, then we sleep poorly and if we sleep poorly, then we are more easily stressed. The energy we need to be resilient is diminished. It’s an unending vicious circle.

Click here to continue reading this short article with 10 tips to sleep better and longer, on LinkedIn.

Administrative Professionals’ Day April 16th 2020

A great way to say ‘thank you’!
In the month of April, show your professional administrative support staff just how much you value their contribution. You can do it with flowers and chocolates but an inspirational ‘Skogsfloating’ day is saying thank you, in a more meaningful way.

The ultimate combi
A day to be nurtured in nature and to become inspired. During this day, your staff will have ‘their time in the sun’, perhaps also literally, should the sun decide to shine. One thing is certain, it will be a memorable day.


A playful location
Conference center Kapellerput in Heeze, provides the playful location, as a background to Skogsfloating. Standing in the midst of a beautiful woods, the gently rocking ‘chairs’, aided by Mother Nature, provide the foundation for relaxation, reflection and creativity – key words for the day. The accompanying experience of tranquil weightlessness gives the space and time to become ‘still’ – to give back to oneself.

Open Registration on April 16th, 2020 **
The day starts at 09.30 with coffee and tea. Most of the day will be spent outside. The program will end at 17.00. Further details will be provided upon registration.

This ‘experiential day’ is 380,- pp, excl. vat/btw, for a minimum of 6 participants.  Price is including a day arrangement at Kapellerput (unrestricted coffee, tea and lunch buffet).

Use the contact page to get in touch with me,  with your name and telephone number. Copy ‘Administrative Professionals’ Day’, into the subject line.

This open registration day will be held in Dutch

** If you have a minimum of 6 administrative personnel (maximum is 22), there is an opportunity to host a closed registration team event in the month of April.


The Gift of Time

This isn’t what you think it will be about. It’s not about time management or getting things done in a more efficient manner, though both are important in the context of well-being.

The gift of time I’m referring to, is the one which exists between a trigger and your response. In the words of Viktor E. Frankl “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

It is our subconscious perception of a stimulus – that situation, person, or thing – which repeatedly triggers the same (sometimes explosive) reaction in ourselves. We experience something as irritating once, twice, maybe three times and the next time it happens, we react predictably – often called a knee-jerk reaction.

We may not be happy with our reaction. In fact, we may realize that our reaction isn’t supporting us at all but we continue to react in the same way. It’s not always easy to pinpoint the reason for our discomfort or stress. Our brain filters and stores so much information, most of which we aren’t conscious of. Researchers have indicated that only a fraction of the stimuli from our surroundings reaches our conscious level.

Underlying every not-so-feel-good emotion we experience (e.g. irritation, anger, frustration, fear), is a need we have, which isn’t being met. Something we value. A need such as respect, love, being seen, being heard. We have many needs, some more important than others. The more important the need, the faster and stronger we will be triggered.

Knowing what your needs are, can go a long way to choosing the right response. In order to understand which need isn’t being met, you need to give yourself the gift of time; ‘the gap’ between stimulus and response.
Self-awareness is key to achieving the gap. Knowing your stress signs and signals when you are being triggered, is of paramount importance. When you become aware of the first signs that something is generating a not-so-feel-good feeling in you, this is the moment to start breathing slowly and deeply. The act of breathing slow and deep has an immediate response on your autonomic nervous system, telling your brain that you are relaxing.

By knowing and being able to name the need that wasn’t being met, you are able to take some of the significance out of the situation. When you feel ready to respond, you’ll be ready to make a choice that is going to support you, rather than being hijacked by your emotional brain. When we allow ourselves to be triggered into a full-blown stress reaction, our pre-frontal cortex, that part of the brain responsible for creative, logical thinking, shuts down to one degree or another.

Become resilient and practice finding your gap. Breathe and thrive!